Saturday, September 26, 2009

The Renaissance of Self Discovery

Edward Munch: Scream

What Am I Feeling?
By Bill Cattey
More and more I have noticed.
There is something not quite right inside me.
It is quite subtle.
It has to do with my feelings.

For many feelings there is no problem.
Simple anger, frustration or joy.
I feel them just fine.

But feelings about other people
Don't work quite right.
I don't think I let myself feel
My true feelings about other people.

I am afraid to know what I am feeling
About other people.

Bill Cattey’s poem has been written in a time in which self censorship is becoming less and less important. As society is allowing more and more freedom in self expression, human beings are still not really free. Fear of our own feelings keeps us trapped. Self discovery is a personal battle that many are too afraid to fight in this time and age. Because in this age these battles aren’t really physical, we must reach deeper. Simple feelings are always easy to feel and react to. But what happens when all of these emotions mix into a bittersweet concoction? Fear of love, fear of loathing, fear of the way that they will make us act, fear of how those actions will make others think, fear of how those thoughts will decrease our perceived self-worth, and how that self worth will entitle us to feel, all lead in a vicious cycle. Self discovery is no doubt a roller coaster. These complex emotions will probably bring these simple emotions out of hiding one at a time. The emotion that for the first part of our journey to freeing ourselves will most likely be sadness. In order to finish our journey, we must decide if the contentment and joy are, at the end of the ride, worth all of that sadness. In many cultures in the past these fears caused use statutes as an excuse to keep themselves in a little bubble. The satisfying of physical needs like hunger, thirst, and the avoidance of bodily harm act as distractions for people afraid of pain. And even the powerful people sometimes felt no true happiness. Because most people in times of ignorance and self censorship thought that power was the ability to fulfill all of the physical needs in sparsity. The court of King Henry VIII was said to be a splendid court in the 1500s. There was food and entertainment in huge amounts. There was nothing about his engagement in true love. His loathing was satisfied by killing all of his enemies instead of thinking on them as humans. He was envied beyond imagination. This envy of this kind of power soon began to wane, however. Because excuses are nothing to live on. As people grew courageous they pioneered onwards. They began to brave the trails outside of their bodies and outside of their little worlds. And now that those trials have been mastered, we must tackle the insecurities and fears inside of us. Self discovery, a theme which has always been avoided and is still being avoided, is looming up ahead with a very clear message. As we focus on keeping ourselves away from these deeper emotions, we will still realize that we live in unsatisfied monotone.



Wednesday, September 23, 2009

On Pain of Grace

Sandro Bottecceli: The Birth of Venus
Grace brushes by gently on gyrating hips

Subtly masked by expressive doe eyes

Her delicate fingers morph into tender bruises left behind

The muses of the renaissance, the actresses of the silent movie era like Lillian Gish, the ancient sculpture Venus de Milo, and the modern day Miss Universe all have one thing in common: they are all held high in esteem for their grace. In The Alchemist the protagonist Santiago encounters many beautiful women along his journey. Though he is looking for riches, he first finds the epitome of womanly grace and falls for her. Fatima, this dead-on personification of grace, speaks with grace, walks with grace, and mourns with grace. She is his idea of the perfect woman, and he is willing to throw his every desire away for her. As in the piece above, where there is attraction there is love, and where there is one-sided love there is bound to be broken hearts. In the poem, grace leaves a lasting imprint on the love-struck narrator. In The Alchemist, before Santiago finds Fatima, he feels what he believes to be love for another girl with graceful eyes and graceful dreams. When he must abandon his home for his destiny, he accepts that he will never see this woman again. The chasm left in his heart echoes for her as it heals. The bruises on his heart fade slowly and painfully. By the time he meets the love of his life, the also graceful Fatima, he has realized that he wanted love more than he wanted the girl from his past. When circumstances turn out differently with Fatima, she promises to stay forever faithful to him. Both that know it would be too hard to let go. Grace helps Santiago discover the girl of his dreams. Love is a part of most people’s destinies, and so grace is a deciding factor in finding the perfect person for you.

The Personality Destined for Success


Natalja Picugina:Two Tigers Oil Painting

“One needs a will stubborn in conflict.” (Morris West) Much of the world refers to stubbornness with a tint of disfavor and frustration. But this mass of disdainful people has overlooked the steadfast individuals enjoying the world of success and extravagant wealth. The people who have forced themselves to fly over their obstacles with sheer willpower have looked the odds right in the eye. If that’s not stubborn, nothing is. I, too, am a stubborn person with great aspirations and perhaps one shot at my dreams. It is nearly impossible to tear me away from unsolved math equations or humanities essays. My body never needs sleep if my mind has to solve homework problems. I feel as though this will help me in my quest for my destiny because I can work frantically until my responsibilities are met. I am planning to do whatever it takes to maintain my GPA and my soccer position. If I can manage to fight these closing doors I can pass on to a prestigious university. There is no plan B until plan A bursts into flames- and my plan A is inflammable. As in Coehlo’s The Alchemist, the protagonist, Santiago, jeopardizes everything in his life for a chance at a contrasting future. He finds wealth, love, and great wisdom, the very treasures in which I’m seeking to enrich myself. I’m relentless, I’m ambitious, and if my destiny won’t come to me, I’ll walk a million miles in order to come to it.


What Glows in the Dark: Success in The Alchemist

“When I have truly been searching for my treasure, every day has been luminous because I’ve known that every hour is part of the dream that I would find it.” (Coelho, 125) A shepherd boy named Santiago, the main character in Coelho’s The Alchemist, embarks on the journey of a lifetime to a place hundreds of miles away. He must depend on total strangers with good intentions to light his way along his dark, winding path towards treasure at the Pyramids. These beacons of human empathy keep him afoot along his travels when he is buried in the midst of thick uncertainty. Santiago is successful in his quest, but there are some people who cannot find so much human kindness because they lack the personality needed; they fail because of it. The characteristics of insightfulness, openness, and charm are the rays of light that lead Santiago along his difficult journey to inspiring people and to the light at the end of the tunnel- his destiny.

Santiago is extremely insightful before he starts his journey, but by the end of it his perception has grown exponentially. Santiago’s eyes are always aware of omens, and he takes his intuitive feelings very seriously. Before Santiago’s quest begins, he understands that his responsibilities as a shepherd and his dreams of being a traveler are balanced on the tip of a knife. However, he’s unsure of what will happen if he gives up his practical occupation. Melchizedek, a supernatural being representing opportunity, illuminates Santiago’s path far enough for Santiago to see that his life will still function if he leaves everything he knows behind. Two stones called the Urim and Thummum are given to Santiago to interpret omens, but as time progresses, he relies less on them and more on his own heart’s interpretations. “From then on, he would make his own decisions.” (29) Santiago is able to perceive the greater meanings to everything, from hawks to wind, and he can manipulate them to be beneficial to humans. He reads them as signs. During the climax of the novel, Santiago touches the pure essence of God and turns himself into wind. Everything in Santiago’s path becomes clear to the heart, and he sees straight through them to their significance in the world. He understands not only right and wrong, but also the desires of every being in the universe. What will be less painful for him is obvious by the end, and his decisions become simple. Santiago’s insight helps him relate to people, and as he learns whom to trust, he becomes more open to them.

Santiago is always open to new ideas, and in conjunction he shares more of his thoughts as time sweeps past him in the desert that he comes to understand. His mind is welcoming to all new ideas introduced to him, and he often just tells people his opinions. What is allowed in and out of his sponge-like mind is liberally censored, though little of what he learns and says needs to be. Santiago isn’t afraid to let people know the truth, and at one point he even risks his neck telling it. The positive outcome is, however, that hundreds of innocent people are saved from a bloodthirsty army. Many good things spring from his openness, like his closeness to the fatherly alchemist. “My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer.” (124) The bond that Santiago shares with the alchemist is one of utter trust. His heart’s deepest desires are one of the many things Santiago confesses liberally to the alchemist. Santiago shares freely what he knows, and uses his knowledge for the betterment of the world. His selfish ends are never really met because he doesn’t withhold any information that might give him an advantage, like when he is courting Fatima, his love interest. He shocks her by professing his love the second time that he ever sees her, instead of subtly keeping his feelings from her. She is at first distant, but the intriguing stranger who is so open about his love melts her heart. Many aside from Fatima warm to his open-mindedness as well. Santiago reads the Englishman’s books to see his point of view, and he listens with attention to what the camel-driver thinks. These men grow fond of Santiago because of his desire to understand them by putting himself in their shoes. Santiago is a more accepting person because he is open, and thanks to that an aura of charisma and charm surrounds him.

Santiago’s innocent charm captivates those closest to him. He enjoys privileges that less likable people do not experience. There is something about him that lulls people into kindness. The crotchety crystal merchant entrusts to Santiago his precious crystal almost right away and spills the beans on his forgotten dreams. The slightly pompous Englishman reduces Santiago to an insignificant being at first, but soon comes to depend on him to a degree. He actually abandons his cherished books in an attempt to find the secret to Santiago’s tranquility, which turns out to be a complete failure. Even the commanding but distant alchemist shares a bond with Santiago. Something about Santiago dissolves all wariness and reaches the entrance behind his guard. “But there were two people who were smiling: the alchemist, because he had found the perfect disciple, and the chieftain, because that disciple had understood the glory of God.” (146) Santiago has even reached a level of civility with a man [the chieftain] who three days earlier hindered Santiago’s mission and threatened his very existence! His tact and his sensitivity to the emotions of others are apparent, but before they even speak with him, he is on their good side. The gypsy woman gives him a discount in exchange for a bit of his future treasure, but she obviously thinks on him appropriately enough to deny payment and risk Santiago never following his dreams- or filling his pockets and hers. Santiago acquires many friends that hold a special place in his heart. He accustoms to what his charm bequeaths to him, with so many people with his face embellished on their hearts to hold testament. Santiago’s humble charm is a trait that propels him forward when nothing else does.

Santiago is a triple threat as he advances towards his destiny because he perceives so marvelously that he can converse with his own heart, he opens his mind to the world to ensure perpetual opportunities to learn, and he charms those around him into aiding him. Santiago stumbles out of the dark tunnel that spun him in a whirlwind of pain and joy, wisdom and ignorance, and humility and self-worth. Looking back, a faint glow marks where half his heart is buried in the chest of a beautiful woman. He steps once again into a familiar solitary darkness to reach her, and tender light from those to whom he is beloved pierces through the obscurity. But those of the luminaries looking for the old Santiago draw a blank. A new man stands before them, because life often leads in a full circle.